on to journal # 2

 
These are the first pages of my new journal! 
i'll be referring to it as the tan suede journal because of the faux cover :)   this empty book was begun a lot more easily than the first because i'm rolling on the confidence i collected finishing that one to the last page.

(page 1 & 2 above, 4 & 3 below)

for the first time in a very long time i went to michaels with an exact list: one new journal. and it had a purpose - not just to fill my need to get something at a good price so i could keep it in case i let myself use it in the future...but to be the second volume of my -eh, i'll say it -my subconscious. not one of my pictures has a plan. each comes to life line by line as i draw it in pen, no drafts. funny thing- because i have a severely difficult time making decisions of any kind from day to day  (even choosing which of my old, ratty t-shirts will clothe me). so for me to sit and have no idea what will become of the blank page in front of me is one of the only challenges i can face every day. i may think "mandala", but i have no idea past that.

i did a page similar to this one (page 5) - a cross-section of landscape, in my black spiral journal ( here it is ). it has been more popular than others and i so loved doing it i tried again, so this would be an exception to my "no plan" process. i love the subject matter - nature, trees, dirt, rocks and soil so much i could do this page over and over. i can't say that about any of my other pages before i start them. i can shoot for a general "biological specimen" subject, but that's about it. otherwise i'd have to deal with a commitment - forget that!

page 6

so besides knowing i want - in fact NEED to draw, the process of me sitting in front of a blank page has gotten less scary. i have finally come to the point that i only have the goal to draw, which makes me relax and in a small way block out the crap in my head the only way i can...by drawing detailed and repetitive patterns.

MY ART JOURNAL - where input becomes output

 

page 14

                                                                        page 13

 ********************************************

i have started a new journal, and i would like to share it here (and on flickr). it's very personal, but sharing makes it feel more important. it also feels like anyone who looks at it is somehow listening. :)

a big and annoying part of my OCD consists of repetitive negative thoughts. this process is aggravated by environmental input. the only control i have over input is obviously where i put myself. i have gotten into a pattern of sleeping during the morning, as night is more quiet and productive for me.

so how do i deal with what i take in? there is this constant flood of activity in my brain, uninvited and truly uninteresting, and pretty critical. this stream of negativity is exhausting in itself, so i try ways to dam it or change it's direction.  i spend a lot of time "researching" online. i open my facebook page in one tab, which has become a huge source of social networking for me (again, another post). in other tabs i have sometimes 4-6 different things i am looking into and learning about, mostly art related or interest-driven curiosity in weird topics. right now it's paranormal and urban exploration. i open these tabs and get carried-off on tangents by images and stories, blogs and flickr searches...and this gives me the slightest ability to direct my stream of consciousness toward things i actually like to think about. i love this escape.

*****************************************************

                                                                             page 12

 

page 10 - feelin like a mandala....

***************************************************

 i also love movies. with extremely few exceptions, we watch netflix. i love having ultimate control over what we watch and when. we have become documentary junkies and have taken-in less popular yet amazing animated and independent films. for me, letting the shows "babysit" me is a form of medication. again, i am attempting to direct my thought patterns, only instead of me typing searches, i am letting myself float on something of interest that i have chosen. 

now i cannot watch TV without drawing or working on something. so i am creating in my journal while hopefully being carried by a wave of interesting input. i am not suggesting TV and internet can change anyone's life, i am sharing my thoughts on why i do what i do. certainly not excuses, as i am completely aware of the need for fresh air and exercise to balance. no need to turn that statement into any soapbox, there is no argument there.

 although internet and TV are not in themselves "art therapy", i use them to fuel my inspiration to create, and to give my mind a break as i draw or think about things i like to think about, things that don't drag me down.

 ***************************************************************  

 

page 9 - fire and eyes

*********************************************** 

i have come a long way in my art journal. i started out being indecisive and lacking confidence, now i can actually say i love my drawings and their process. drawing every day is necessary now -i want to draw from the minute i wake to the minute i lay down. i still have some motivation issues, but not for a lack of inspiration.
what inspires me these days?

• collections of rocks and minerals on flickr
• satellite maps of earth
• patterns of flowers and trees
• reptile, insect/bug and snake skin patterns and colors  

***********************************************

 

page 7 - 'shrooms and songs...

 page 6 (left) - decisions suck 

page 8 (above) - mistakes can stay in your journal- in this case, i started drawing something that came out too freudian (inspired by a friend's pet snake) so i blackened it and called it a secret. :P what's obvious here is that i was still uncomfortable letting it be...

  

***************************************************

pages 2, 3 and 4 -

space-waste, couldn't get motivated yet...i wasn't confident that anything i could draw was good enough to live on a permanent page in a journal.

so i tried to visually talk myself into it, then drew scribbles on a vintage medical page....

these pages and the inside cover took me longer to accomplish than most of my single pages later on!

*******************************************************

inside cover

i began on the inside cover for 2 reasons: i hate to waste anything, and it made my scary, empty journal seem more "mine".

so, there is the evolution of an art journal. every person has a different process, unique needs, varied skills, and preferences as to type of journal style or medium. but what i know to be true is that no matter those differences, every person can benefit from keeping a journal. and the most important part is that you need no specific skill to keep an art journal. it is your place to unwind and not judged.

little challenges (pages 26-30)

 page 28

this was a challenge to not repeat

 pages 26 and 29

these were challenges to leave a white background,

then to use no black outlines

 

 pages 27 and 30

a challenge to not fill-in the whole page,

and to mandala the whole page using at least one pattern i'm not fond of 

(in this case the leaf skeletons)

peace board

 

 if you came to my blog from my flickr, sorry for the repetition...this book board was saved from my book disassemblings...which i stopped because i finally urged my OCD self to just look for collage materials as i go along, instead of trying to catalog everything. the book board idea is from several collage artists i found online who use them as bases for collages. great idea, because they are dry and absorb glue really well. for marker drawing - not so great, i realized 2 seconds into my drawing. so i had to use colored pencils. i have been loving the intesity of my sharpies and bics when i draw on smooth bristol, so i wasn't happy that i had to have a softer look.  after my daughter suggested the pencils might actually work better on a peace drawing because of the muted-ness of the color, i carried on.  it took a lot longer than my marker work, but i do like how it came out.

 

 i scanned this in B&W before i took-on the coloring, in case it didn't turn out well.

then i thought about making pages to sell as color-yourself prints. dover publishing sells a lot of detail coloring books...i love them.

 as you can see from my photos here, i had to pr - ok - well, i didn't HAVE to, but i chose to press very hard to achieve solid color. i have a thing for crinkly paper and permanence, so i always press very hard when i write.  does anyone else miss the smell of papermate ink on a freshly written assignment? i was one of those kids who wouldn't use a crayon lightly, all of my colored pages were heavily filled. i try sometimes to abandon that urge, in fact i started another journal and the first page is softly drawn.  i will post it later.

all in all, i have a goal to try and grow larger drawings. i have been asked to trade and sell something like an 8x10 size, so i am working toward that.  this fulfills that goal, i might try to print it to see how the colors come through.

GOAL :: SUBMIT :: DONE!!!

YES. I DID IT. IT HAS TAKEN ME YEARS OF SELF-DAMNATION BUT IT IS DONE. I HAVE SUBMITTED ARTWORK TO BE CONSIDERED FOR PUBLICATION.
and not just any magazine, either. i figured, if i were to be turned down by anyone, i would like it to be the very top.... SOMERSET STUDIO. wow, just saying it gives me willies. who do i think i am asking somerset if they would like my work enough to put it in their golden vault....

*******************************************

SOMERSET STUDIO SUBMISSIONS : BLACK AND WHITE CHALLENGE

list of submissions: (all are black-pen drawings in different forms)

1 exemplar

3 inchie collection series

1 paper charm hanging

2 pen drawings

7 ATC cards

list of supplies used – same for all submissions:

zig writer .5/1.2mm, pure black

marvy pigmented artist, fine/broad, no.1 black

zig millennium, .05, black

pigma micron 01, black

pigma micron 08, black

us artquest perfect paper adhesive

pebbles inc. I kan dee chalk, pastels

bazzill cardstock

"paper charms: bird loft" : string pulled across chalk to color, all 3-d mounting is done with tiny squares of cardstock glued together to give height, string is glued between layers

42-ude

well, i am now past "just turning" 40.....
my motto this year is FORTITUDE. "brave determination".
i have every intention of trying to be brave this year.
every intention of trying to become a practicing "artist",
which only means being determined
to make a few hundred scrapbook pages,
to make some paintings, some mini icons,
lots of art cards,
and maybe even try to get published......finally.

too much pressure? sure.
especially since my top goal is to become a better parent.
baba said "life begins at 40". i do believe her...
but, 41 was the WORST year of my life, so we'll see...