page 14
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i have started a new journal, and i would
like to share it here (and on flickr). it's very personal, but sharing
makes it feel more important. it also feels like anyone who looks at it
is somehow listening. :)
a big and annoying part of my OCD consists
of repetitive negative thoughts. this process is aggravated by
environmental input. the only control i have over input is obviously
where i put myself. i have gotten into a pattern of sleeping during
the morning, as night is more quiet and productive for me.
so how do i deal with what i take in? there
is this constant flood of activity in my brain, uninvited and truly
uninteresting, and pretty critical. this stream of negativity is
exhausting in itself, so i try ways to dam it or change it's
direction. i spend a lot of time "researching"
online. i open my facebook page in one tab, which has become a huge
source of social networking for me (again, another post). in other
tabs i have sometimes 4-6 different things i am looking into and
learning about, mostly art related or interest-driven curiosity in
weird topics. right now it's paranormal and urban exploration. i open
these tabs and get carried-off on tangents by images and stories,
blogs and flickr searches...and this gives me the slightest ability
to direct my stream of consciousness toward things i actually like to
think about. i love this escape.
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page 10 - feelin like a mandala....
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i also love movies. with extremely few
exceptions, we watch netflix. i love having ultimate control over
what we watch and when. we have become documentary junkies and have
taken-in less popular yet amazing animated and independent films. for
me, letting the shows "babysit" me is a form of medication.
again, i am attempting to direct my thought patterns, only instead of
me typing searches, i am letting myself float on something of
interest that i have chosen.
now i cannot watch TV without drawing or
working on something. so i am creating in my journal while hopefully being
carried by a wave of interesting input. i am not suggesting TV and
internet can change anyone's life, i am sharing my thoughts on why i
do what i do. certainly not excuses, as i am completely aware of the
need for fresh air and exercise to balance. no need to turn that
statement into any soapbox, there is no argument there.
although internet and TV are not in
themselves "art therapy", i use them to fuel my inspiration
to create, and to give my mind a break as i draw or think about
things i like to think about, things that don't drag me down.
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page 9 - fire and eyes
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i have come a long way in my art journal. i started out being indecisive and lacking confidence, now i can actually say i love my drawings and their process. drawing every day is necessary now -i want to draw from the minute i wake to the minute i lay down. i still have some motivation issues, but not for a lack of inspiration.
what inspires me these days?
- collections of rocks and minerals on flickr
- satellite maps of earth
- patterns of flowers and trees
- reptile, insect/bug and snake skin patterns and colors
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page 7 - 'shrooms and songs...
page 6 (left) - decisions suck
page 8 (above) - mistakes can stay
in your journal- in this case, i started drawing something that came
out too freudian (inspired by a friend's pet snake) so i blackened it
and called it a secret. :P what's obvious here is that i was still uncomfortable letting it be...
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pages 2, 3 and 4 -
space-waste, couldn't
get motivated yet...i wasn't confident that anything i could draw was good enough to live on a permanent page in a journal.
so i tried to visually talk myself into it, then drew scribbles on a vintage medical page....
these pages and the inside cover took me longer to accomplish than most of my single pages later on!
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inside cover
i began on the inside cover for 2 reasons: i hate to waste anything, and it made my scary, empty journal seem more "mine".
so, there is the evolution of an art journal. every person has a different process, unique needs, varied skills, and preferences as to type of journal style or medium. but what i know to be true is that no matter those differences, every person can benefit from keeping a journal. and the most important part is that you need no specific skill to keep an art journal. it is your place to unwind and not judged.
I have the problem of not being able to write down personal things in case someone reads them then thinks I am a horrible awful terrible person and ends up hating me, abandoning me
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