death of a hallucination

zoloft was one of the only antidepressants that ever worked for me for more than a few months. i remember when i first started taking it everything was so pretty and extra colorful~ oral rose-colored glasses....i used to sit on the porch and stare at the woods across the lot. the dizziness from beginning new meds made me have visions of shadows that rose above the treeline....i called it "people over the trees". sometimes they were funny, and other times they made me feel like they were watching me. (changing meds is a joy, huh?)
i made this in my journal as a way to smile at that time in my life. even though i was literally scared of the dining room chairs, i was able to take a small thing like the feeling i'm being watched and remember the times i felt it was funny that these shadows were staring at me...

in one sentence, i can say that my art erased a recurring hallucination i had during a dark time. instead of writing about it, i drew a picture of what i was "seeing and feeling". it never bothered me again.
that is a powerful tool. writing about it would have given it more energy, but drawing it brought it to the surface and made me confront it. i have kept the drawing. where many would have wanted to destroy it, i didn't want to burn it or trash it because it was my validation.  a reminder that i can succeed at calming fractions of my chaos.

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