pages 20 and 17
this
layering thing i do has always been a means for me to create order
from chaos. it immediately gives me a sense of control, lining up all of
the little details...
i am very inspired by embroidered ribbons.
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page 16
i wasn't sure how to finish this page, i wanted the skull to stand out.
my need-to-keep made me scan before i added the detailing, so i could
have both versions. :P
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page 18
not inspired (or maybe just mentally tired) i resorted to my blobs. since that didn't give me any desire to detail, i outlined. this allowed me to fill space without having to decide how...
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page 21
on this day i felt like being more subconscious than pretty, and pulled a quote i like to give it "sense". it's how i felt that day. i really love outsider art..."raw" art...especially artists who have no training and draw with a very sophisticated childrens' style.
when i used to have "psychotic" episodes, i would draw in symbols. i have seen several artists who are schizophrenic who use this method to communicate things that don't "make sense" to others. i could go freudian and explore the symbols i currently use a lot, but eh, that sounds too heavy.
no matter your skill level, draw. even stick people or a little house with a tree take on special qualities that make them yours alone. the lack of art training makes pictures "speak" more, because you are concentrating too hard on just making the lines, and hopefully you forget to worry about perfection.
i started doing art in my journals in college, and painting time was the only time i felt sane and in control. it took me years to realize i needed this consistently. i did projects here and there, and in between was a wreck. i was in and out of therapy, on and off meds (heavy anti-depressants at this point) and basically just trying to get from day to day. i did hold down a job at a group home for autistic adults, which was the most amazing job i could have imagined. these clients were some of the most interesting people i ever met. as i did art with them, i learned how powerful it was as a communication tool. i began doing more for myself, and started a collage journal - cut and paste mostly. if you knew how many hours and days i spent cutting up magazines...it only helped part of my life. my job was challenging and my life was getting serious.
at some point i gave up, and everything crashed down on me. i took a bunch of meds and ended up in the psych ward for 3 weeks. as i laughed at those aides who tried to coerce me into the craft room to make potholders, i found strips of embroidered ribbons and tassels. i wanted them. so i started a "pillow" of hoarded scraps which got bigger and bigger over the 3 weeks i was there. then i had my boyfriend (now my husband) bring in my journal and magazines and glue, and i was allowed to have scissors under supervision. apparently they hadn't noticed the sculpture i created out of the wire hanger i found in my room (?!). when i had my things in my hands i was strong - i had a place to hide and a means to have authority over my mind. i remember the curiosity and interest my art and supplies triggered..and wide-eyed glares from the social workers and nurses. made me smile....
