exposed

my good days are more a matter of how few of my hours are spent in sadness or obsessive thought patterns. i feel very content in my corner of the couch, with my markers and ice water....TV on with some documentary or reality show that i'm currently addicted to....

sometimes content means only that nothing is irritating me (like voices that sound extra loud or a noise outside, maybe an idling car).

this drawing is a favorite of mine. i have been working on combining and layering strict patterns with organic lines. after i looked at it, i realized it's a self-portrait in a way. it's me in a happy, centered mood, as i draw my pebbles (peace from nature). underneath are a few layers of less controlled pattern and underneath that are exposed raw nerves. a fragile balance, to say the least.

suede page 17

reality

suede 23

mandalas have a sort of rule: 

you start in the middle and go around, adding, and making it grow - that satifies and centers me. it gives me the freedom to make the same details over and over and around, leaving me to just come up with colors and a way to finish it off. it's like following the lines of a street. i stick to the edge, working one layer at a time. it gives me a way to channel my obsessive need to control. i like to make off-center mandalas like this, to allow a peak at the surrounding atmospheres....

suede 22 and 20

paisleys give me very small areas to fill. boundaries are all important in my drawings: outlines and limits. i believe this need is a fight against my brain trying to control me. i turn on it and try to show i'm stronger. :)

suede 18

i have loved sugar skulls since the first time i saw them, and think that drawing them has even made me fear death a little less. (well, that and my newfound freedom from religion, which partially came about as a rebirth of my love and adoration for science). funny thing, though, i thought i would be more grounded in reality...turns out my mind doesn't play well with reality....