i last posted november 18, 08. since then i have lost three people in my life. but i also ....finally....got published!!!!!!! i will use two separate posts to elaborate, because it is such a bittersweet combination and seems irreverent to put them together...
i need to start with my losses....
within days of my last post, my father lost his second brother to stomach cancer. my uncle always came across as a very reserved kind of person, but one who everyone respected and could look to for anything. he worked very hard his whole life to provide for his wonderful wife and 5 kids. then he took-on an eight-year battle with cancer. he had his stomach removed years ago, but absolutely never gave up a valiant fight to suck every last minute out of life. he is as inspirational as his brother who died of similar cancer, and that brother's wife, who died of cancer as well. all of my 10 cousins and their families went through an incredibly difficult and painful battle with their parents' illnesses, and i now hold cancer survivors and their families as heroes in my heart. love and prayers out to you all....
on december 11, 08, my husband lost his brother to cirrhosis after a very depressing and really painful few months of suffering. we moved our family down here to be with the rest of our family, and my husband was eager to get closer to his brother, who wasn't much of a socializer. time lost.
so, a sad thanksgiving and then even more sadness leading to christmas when 10 days after the death of his brother, literally not much more than a week after his funeral, on december 21, two policemen come to our door, asking if we had been in touch with my husbands ex-wife that day (another whole blog-but they had 2 sons, now 22 and 20). as my husband tries the phone number the policeman gave him, the officer comes close and tells me that one of our sons has been killed in a car accident. as many times as you watch this drama play out on tv, you cannot imagine the horror of those words. it was as if a fire started down in my legs and seared up to my brain, rendering me faint and screaming in denial. my 10 year old daughter looks at me and begs - "what happened, mommy" and cries desperately with me as my husband now breaks down on the phone....my 3 year old son just cries and stares...
what are you supposed to hold onto as far as faith goes when everything is being pulled out from under you....which, i have to say in retrospect is not the case ( we are very lucky at this point in our lives to be as fortunate as we consider ourselves). why did his life come to such a tragic and immediate end? he was in the marine reserves, was scheduled then unscheduled to go to iraq, had a wonderful new girlfriend - a girlfriend who was with him in the car, and also lost her young life with two other friends - four deaths in this one accident on an icy indiana toll road.....3 days before christmas. all of these families and the poor soul of the truck driver (not injured physically) who probably still can't sleep at night - who tried to avoid the head-on collision as best he could.
the nightmare darkened as the hours and days passed - many articles about the accident were published all over the internet and people, as they always will, varied in their responses to the articles, many directly blaming the "stupid kids" who were probably speeding...many others sending prayers for all the families....some even saying they drove past the accident and how horrific it was - that is how we got information. protocol prevented his body from being sent back home immediately, so for days we wandered around, not mentally able to make the 12 hour drive in winter storms, and not able to get an immediate flight (for 4) just days before christmas....then the extreme nightmare of the actual flights and missed connections and sleepless hours traveling to our child's funeral....
what i did not understand to this point was why he wasn't given the chance to have a "real life", with a wife and kids, a career and house....and what could possibly be the reason for such an abrupt ending to his story....then the people started flowing in to pay their respects....many schoolmates and friends, but just as many people of every age...saying such extraordinary things about him...how sweet he was, and friendly, goofy, always wanting to make others laugh, always putting everyone else's needs before his own.....
then, in between my burning tears, and dizziness, while trying to convince myself that the cosmetically "repaired" person in that coffin was the boy i watched grow up from age one....it made itself known to me. all of a sudden it was i who felt humbled, it was the guilt of giving him a hard time about not having a job or his own place. it was never about any of that. as i stood there, in a blurry state of calm, desperately trying to disappear, i saw it. here was the culmination of 20 years of this young person - many friends and family who were remembering fun times, others crying for the loss of a friend who at some point made something in their lives better. in 20 years, he made more friends and touched more people than i have in 42 years....he had already accomplished his life's "work", making people feel good WAS his purpose. he was taken swiftly, but painlessly (we pray). he could have lived and been paralyzed or otherwise brain damaged, he could have lived a long, difficult life with the gift of being extra-sensitive to the feelings of others, which some of us know is a curse more than a blessing- but instead his life was short and sweet, tied up neatly to be remembered eternally with a smile and that goofy laugh....
right after the last person spoke about how they knew him, a sudden complete silence struck the entire room full of mourners, and lasted for what seemed like minutes...he came to us, feeling like a breath across the room...hi, bud, we'll miss you dearly, please stick around and keep making us laugh........
.gif)
--.gif)
--W.gif)
